You Blooming Tweet

Smash Mouth lead singer slurred his words at the concert? Didn't you notice the name of the band?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 14
"Rick Perry is out. No Texas will win in 2016." "Ted Cruz is still running." "As I said, no Texan will win in 2016."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 12
I learned today the legal term for peeing on fellow airplane passengers is "offensive littering".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 12
If she lives in a cardboard box, the DA is probably correct in presuming she doesn't have an attorney. Rule: get box first, then pay atty.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 12
The new political leadership: Speak loudly and carry a big toupee.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 12
California legislature approves the right to die. I never knew it was a crime to die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 9
Speak America. If you want to speak English, move back to New England.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 8
Tolerance does not mean allowing discrimination. All may have their views, but not their actions.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 7
My condolences to friends and family of Judy Carne whose death was announced as an Internet hoax when in fact it was real.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 4
I never realized God had laws over paperwork.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Sep 4
Donald Trump was a helicopter parent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 31
Scott Walker wants to build a wall across the Canadian border. Canada agrees and hopes it keeps out Americans going into Canada,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 31
Defending against hatred is not hatred.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 31
Kanye West running for President still is not the weirdest thing to happen in this Presidential election.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 30
"Maybe i am married to my hat."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 30
This is America, where anyone, no matter how stupid, can run for President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 30
"Remember to kept things ventilated, Punch holes in your condoms."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 25
David Duke recommends Donald Trump for President. So, The Donald, you may run on the Klan ticket.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 24
"It is supposed to taste like chicken. It is chicken."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 23
How can 38 million register for a cheating website while fewer will vote in the Presidential primaries?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 23
A comic's dilemma is every time the comic calls for help, people think it is part of the act.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 22
I guess Hilaary Clinton wants to be President so she can finally decide who the President of the United Sates gets to have sex with,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 22
I guess Donald Trump believes the consolation prize for not being allowed to have slots at his LA hotel is to be President of the U.S.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 22
I guess Carly Fiorina believes the consolation prize for not becoming Governor is President of the United States.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 22
I love Twitter dumb criminals: ""Robbing bank. BYB."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 21
When the judiciary is done investigating each other, will there be anyone left to actually prosecute cases?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 19
I am glad my public school that lacked basic Math and Science not one of best in US. Sounds good when I say I went there.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 19
Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think it is inconsiderate to be on your cell phone while you are robbing a bank.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 17
I wlll have to say, Norm McDonald is a great replacement, Norm is a talent deserving of more recognition.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 17
FYI: As an Honorary Colonel to the Kentucky Governor, I am as much as Colonel as the original Colonel Sanders was.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 17
I still think, if they want an SNL alum, that Sarah Silverman should be the new Colonel Sanders.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 17
Trump says a woman is no longer a "10". When did this become a Presidential responsibility?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 17
So, you really think only 10,000 will be let into Heaven, and those will be selected by someone you just met asking for money?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 16
The surprise is not that Herman Cain may run for President, but that he has as good a chance at the nomination as most others running.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 15
"Don't you hate how Big Brother won't let you keep someone living in your closet?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 15
I wish we could find an intelligent person who isn't smart enough to know not to run for President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 15
"You kill one guy, and it puts a damper on your whole vacation."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 14
As a relative of Warren Harding, I guess I now have to rent a larger room for the family reunions.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 14
I have been asked to perform for the troops. I am not sure why I am supposed to perform before Hamas and Isis,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 14
I await the arrival of Warren Harding fan fiction.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 13
If Jerry Springer would run for President, the great irony is he would make more sense than most of the other candidates.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 11
If a gun were pointed at your head and you had to choose one of the Republican candidates to be President, what type funeral would you want?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 11
I am surprised Jeff Probst does not run for President. "The Apprentice" versus "Survivor".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 10
Dear DonaldTrump: Who do you know who bleeds from her eyes?  Other than "The Apprentice" viewers?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 10
No matter how long it has been, you never forget how to fall off a bicycle.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 9
Craiglist ads were sent into outer space. That next call you get might be one really long distance call.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 9
Why do cougars waste their time on young men when there are lots of senile old men still around? Oh look, a butterfly.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 8
Amazing that simple facts in news story, easily verifiable, are wrong. Oh, wait, what am I thinking?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 8
If I tweeted what has been happening, it would only serve to upset people. I hope all share happy times together and move past tragedies.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 2
Ordinarily, I would wonder why anyone would mug a robot, yet that still does not compare to the guy trying to have sex with an alligator...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Aug 1
"Women have a responsibility"? Not to be drugged and assaulted?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 31
So long Roddy Piper. A little known fact: He could actually act.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 30
Justin Bieber is suffering depression from his music. Haven't we all?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 30
Happy John Lennon Day. Now, give peace a try. You might like it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 29
If you are holding a fund raiser for an accused police officer offender, I guess a pig roast would be appropriate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 29
EU looking into whether Disneyland Paris overcharges? Hint: It won't take long to look.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 29
Sadness is going to the dentist and seeing a lion's head on the wall.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 26
The swimming pool caught fire? And no one could find water to put it out?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 26
I realized my mistake was in wanting to have life makes sense. I now realize: life happens regardless of sense. #RIPSE @RIPC
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 25
I think Taylor Swift hangs out with my overweight cousin because Taylor is insecure about her looks. #sarcasm
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 23
If everyone lost their law licenses there would be no one left to take away the law licenses.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 22
No, Jimmie, no one thought to tell Whoopi.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 22
A beer with live lobsters? At last, a drink that literally fights you back.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 22
If you promise to start a war on your first day of your Presidency, expect some push back on that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 22
"Let's pet armadillos and see which of us get leprosy."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 21
If elected President, Donald Trump would have to place all his assets into a blind trust. At least his wealth would be better managed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 21
I remember how Buzz Aldrin was drunk and kept suggesting we turn the whole thing into a musical.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 21
Has it already been 40 years since I was the cinematographer on the moon landing?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 19
Never mess with a guy with his own gun-toting drone hovering over him.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 19
You know, this Alex Rodriguez guy is a decent player.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 19
A hero is not just someone who was captured or wounded. A hero is anyone who served.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 19
If you are so adept at picking up on romantic cues, Bill, why do you then drug women against their will?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 18
Lighten up, Disney. We all know C3PO would never sleep with Amy Schumer.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 17
If you take away guns from drones, then the only people with guns would be…no, wait, how does this work?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 15
If the National Civil War Museum is a monument to corruption, then maybe, finally, more people will go and see it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 14
MSN headlines: "Mel Gibson's new gig" "B.B. King's cause of death"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 14
MSN headlines: "Glee stars secretly wed" "Wife was prepared to die"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 14
MSN headlines: "Another Duggar gets engaged" "Kate Hudson freaks"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 14
If 50 Cent can't pay his bills, what are the chances for the rest of us?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
I sort of wish the minions did curse.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
People tell me happiness is over-rated. I still wouldn't mind trying it sometime.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
Every time I see three police vehicles in front of my place I know today is going to be an interesting day.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
"The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about the right to have slaves."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
"Men have fought enough wars. Next war, we fight it with only female soldiers."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 11
Does Bernie Sanders have a kochout punch?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 9
The U.S. Marshall's office covers Federal buildings, and all naked women on  Federal building roofs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 9
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginia Stars and Bars are being taken down. Safest to go with Nationals and U.S. flags, NoVa
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 9
Court takes away Redskins trademark. Northern Virginians: it may be best not to put any flags in your yards.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 9
The best way to create more work is to ask a group of people to help you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 9
I want to invent a robot that can carjack driverless cars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
C-SPAN interrupts some boring something to bring you an educational tour of the roof of the Reagan building….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
Remember, every time you have sex on the roof of a Federal building to bring bail money with you.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
To the couple having sex on roof of Reagan Building: You do know there are cameras, right? Smile.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
Who knew Tom Selleck had such an addiction to stolen water.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
Farewell Irwin Keys, a great friend who could steal a scene and give it back better than it was.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 8
Happy Shark Week. Do not hug a shark this week.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 7
If you are sending bubble wrap, do you need to wrap it in bubble wrap?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 7
Sign you will get cancer: You waste your time googling the signs of cancer instead of seeing a doctor.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 7
A naked woman walked into Wawa's. Authorities suspected she may have mental issues as she wanted to eat Wawa's food.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 7
There are more cells in your body than there are known galaxies. Might explain why people think they are the center of their own universe.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 6
"You know, when I claimed I was innocent, I forgot I testified in 2005 that I had done it."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 5
Happy July 5, the day when we learn about the 4th of July fireworks disasters.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 5
NASA scientists speculates we live in a hologram built by aliens. When I said that in the 70s, people just assumed I was stoned.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 4
There was a secret gay marriage in the White House. James Buchanan and Rufus King wonder why they never thought of that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 4
There may be more gay racists than we figured.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 4
Wow, I actually know who both turned her profile photo rainbow colors and then asked people to share supporting the Stars and Bars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 4
If you think social laws imperil your religious beliefs, you must have not much faith in the strength of your religion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 3
"Every time I see an obituary repeated elsewhere, I think to myself, "wow, did that person just die again?"'
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 3
As people go hungry, addicts die, tensions between people grow violent, remember the key issue is who Miley Cyrus is dating.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 3
Ben and Jerry have a new banana ice cream called the Ben and Jerry Split.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jul 1
It is now July, and you know what that means. Time to put up the Christmas decorations.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 28
"After she dropped her baby onto the floor, she recalled the five second rule. She had to walk away and leave her baby behind."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 28
I now live in a nation where everyone can have health care and can marry. A few days ago, I could not state this.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 28
It is interesting seeing the social media of rainbow colors versus Stars & Bars flags. We remain a nation politically divided, but shifting.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 28
You have the right to believe religion trumps laws, yet it you want to President, you are to uphold the Constitution, not your religion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 27
No, these are not the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. These are the days of acceptance, love, and respect for each other.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 27
If you feel you must leave the US for Canada to avoid gay marriage, please feel free to move. (No one tell them gays can marry in Canada)
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 27
Today is the tomorrow I decided to do today.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 27
If you believe gay marriage is the end of civilization, that it was time for a new civilization.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 27
"While you were gone last week, we took down the Confederate flag, gave all the help health insurance, and the servants got married."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 26
"Good ole boys can now drink, fight, and get married."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 26
These are confusing times for gay rednecks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 26
Anyone remember when I predicted there would be civil union before gay marriage? You forgot? Good, don;t remember that,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 26
"They were right, you take down the Stars and Bars and next thing you know, gays can marry. And you know what: society continues along fine"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 25
You mean all those people with the Stars and Bars are not northern Virginia historians?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 25
He has been avenged, Patrick Macnee was one of the first people I ever met in the entertainment business. He was a master at his craft.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 24
To Dick Van Patten, 86 was not enough.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 23
Stephen Hawking is correct that intelligent machines could end humanity. If they can calculate saving the planet, they would conclude...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 23
New book out for children: "Laura Has Two Daddies, and Mommy Made Her Promise Not to Tell Each Daddy About the Other One."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 23
Baby steps. If they won't put a woman on currency, how about if they show Thomas Jefferson wearing a dress?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 22
So your town ranks in the top 100? But there are only 169 towns in the state.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 22
If you believe the civil war was about states rights, then observe it was about the right of states to decide to keep slavery.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 19
May I add being at Donald Trump'a Presidential announcement on my IMDB?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 18
Expecting a third Bush to be better than the original is sort of like expecting "Jaws 3" to be better than the original.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 17
This race for the Presidency will be close---in being the silliest candidate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 16
Blaze Starr now walks that Appalachian trail in the sky.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 16
I'll agree gravity is minute matter connecting larger matter. If I can believe Karshians exist, I can agree particle physics exists.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 16
Psychologists state racism is a form of stupidity. I could have told them that.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 16
My opponent sucks. #MyCampaignin3Words
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 15
If you post photos of your crime on Facebook, do not be surprised when the detectives figure out you did it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 15
Early Onset Alzheimer's Patients for Jeb Bush.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 15
"I keep my phone in my front pocket. I did not butt dial you. I penis dialed you."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 14
Democracy is when Koch Bros. Sheldon Adelson, Norman Braman, and Robert Mercer are free to disagree on who should be President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 14
I still believe Facebook will never become popular since we have a prefect good MySpace.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 13
"I  thought the Heisman Trophy went to the college student who made the best meth."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 10
"Maybe God is eight toy monkeys playing cymbals."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 10
Remember, pasta laced with opioids can land you in the emergency room.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Jun 1
North Korea wants tourists. I await Ellen giving out those trips as prizes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 31
ComicCon had an all male panel for "Women in Comics", followed by an all male panel for "Why We Are All Still Virgins."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 30
Is it me, or do an inordinate number of Harrisburg people travel to Georgia to get arrested?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 30
You do realize that attacking Bill Nye for not being a real scientist does not thus prove that global warming is not real?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 30
Wow, the Coroner ruled the death of a man found in a suitcase a homicide. Only in Philly might there be the possibility of natural causes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 28
Today I saw a marching band with an accordion player. I can now die happy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 27
A stripper has requested protection from a State Senator, Hey, women should be protected from all of the Senators.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 27
"Love that old photo of row homes with those really old cars." "I took that photo yesterday."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 27
I took the "Hillbilly name" test. Turns out my Hillbillly name is "Leon Tchaikovsky".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 25
Nine brains were found along a New York road. Authorities are asking if they are missing from a research center or the GOP State Committee.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 25
#11 think never to say to your boss: "No wonder you are so grumpy. Your wife is a lousy lay."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 25
"In retrospect, her asking me to not act like her boyfriend in public should have been a warning sign…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 25
What morality teaches believers they must impose their morality on non-believers when the forceful act imposition is immoral?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 25
When Ben Stiller passes, the headline will read "son of Anne Meara."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 24
TLC may be considering a new show "18 Kids and Counting".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 24
It does not take a brilliant mind to know to use a seat belt.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 24
"That was a marriage license I signed? I thought I was co-signing a car loan."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 24
Duggars should realize they love their son as parents love their gay children. Judge not and you will not judged, as some book writes.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 24
Dear Vatican, Thanks for the advice, but we will decide on our way. Sincerely, Ireland
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 23
"Gays can now do in Ireland what you cam't  in Salt Lake City." "You mean drink alcohol?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 23
I am so boring, the Westboro Baptist Church says they will respect my funeral.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 23
I am glad the Yankees are retiring Paul Blair's number. No one will ever again wear number 2.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 23
The FAA allows insurance adjusters to use drones. Forget Flo and the gecko, drones will be the real symbol of your insurance,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 23
And you believe Jewish Justicea should recuse on deciding gay marriage because of, why again?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 22
We forgive another hypocrite who would not forgive sinners,who turns out to be a sinner, because we are not hypocrites and to mess with them
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 21
If your professor is arrested for spying for China, do you still have to take his final exam?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 21
Hollywood thinks a 37 year old woman is too old to date a 55 year old man. Yeah, right, like that could never happen in real life….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 21
Dave's not here….for good.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 18
Someone finds a photograph beheading one woman, and they hold that against me...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 18
Lindsay Graham withdraws from the Presidential race, for the three people who thought he might actually be running.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 17
Bible has man with 300 wives and 700 concubines. Bible thumpers, act now. You can have top those  multiple wives Mormons easily,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 15
I think Mitt Romney is a masochist who enjoys being beaten by Black men.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 15
If you believe we need to separate gays to keep them from reproducing, we need to talk.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 15
The thrill is gone forever.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 14
"All the women I'm my office are either married or transsexual."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 14
Well, Kim, it may not be cruel but it certainly is unusual punishment….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 13
A man is missing from a nudist camp. He was last seen wearing, well,,,,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 12
So, comics follow me long enough to steal my jokes and then unfriend me. Jokes on them. My jokes bomb,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 12
God may have chosen Huckabee to be President, yet whoever the Koches chose will win the nomination.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 11
Happy Your Momma's Day. She's so big she needs two days to celebrate.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 5
Neighbor, friend, and great rapper Ellen Albertini Dow is gone. Rap will never be the same. I miss her.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 4
Grace Lee Whitney graced us with her presence, talent, and story of overcoming adversity Glad to have known her.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
I missed Nude Gardening Day, much to the relief of my neighbors. It is hard to grow nudes in our soil.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
Glad responsible leaders like Ted Crux and Rand Paul are spiking the Texas invasion rumors. Oh, wait, never mind. ..
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
A school in Texas will not let a five year old girl wear a dress with bare shoulders. That's it, we invade Texas!
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
Congress is on the verge of passing a bill allowing employers to fire someone for using birth control. OK, men, hide your condoms.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
Is it me, or is it getting harder to distinguish between the real news and the Onion?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
After we take over Texas, we will really surprise them by not taking away their guns.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
Remember, after we enslave all Texans, we first teach them to speak with New England accents.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 3
So, who is joining me in the secret plans to invade Texas and declare Texas pas part of the United States?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  May 2
So Kristie Alley woke up today and discovered she was behind the Chris Christie scandal. That's how the Internet works.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 28
My sorrow to friends and family of Joni Mitchell's whose false coma was reported on the Internet.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 28
Always remember to schedule home baseball games in cities when they are not rioting.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 28
RIP Suzanne Crough. I am glad our paths crossed a few times, You flew like a partridge and I hope you land well.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 28
Glad to have met Jayne Meadows and sad to see her great works have come to an end. She will be missed.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 27
Realized I had not checked my MySpace messages in over 3 years. All is good. I checked. I had none.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 26
Why did Adam and Eve break up? She found his porn stash.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 25
If eating Wheaties will make you strong like Bruce Jenner, then that is a good thing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 24
To candidates who believe God blessed their candidacies, we have the following statement: "I have no recollection of doing that." - God
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
If this gets 10,000 shares, I will shave my legs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
Waka Flocka Fave fears his not being only 28 will hold back his Presidential candidacy. Yeah, not being old enough, that'll be the reason
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
Severed Limb Awareness Month. Dude, if you aren't aware yet that you are missing a limb, you have other problems.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
My Grandmother, the Car #DepressingTVReboots
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
"You are sponge worthy. It is just, after all this time, the sponges are no longer effective."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 22
California has banned "Redskins". Confused Sheriffs have begun rounding up Native Americans.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 21
Who keeps unfollowing me?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 20
With only two votes counted, we have now projected that Scot Walker will be elected the next President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 20
If you can tell a sensible 420 joke, you are not doing 420.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 18
I buy post cards of historic cemeteries and send them out "Wish you were here."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 16
The worse part about landing on the Capitol grounds is realizing they lost your luggage.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 15
I thought this was a new Gettysburg to the Capitol commuter plane…
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 15
No, Obama dropped Cuba from the terror list, not the Cubs.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 15
"We dye our gasoline." #BaWaysToGoGreen
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 15
OK, you do not believe in climate change, yet you believe the bad weather is retaliation for gay marriage….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 13
I had no idea Hillary Clinton had any interest in running for President.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 12
Why would you get upset over what makes someone else happy when it has nothing to do with you?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 12
Sexism is realizing people what what they are, not for who they are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 12
Did you know you could have used this time to save 15% or more on your car insurance? #ThingsYouShouldntSayInBed
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 12
Racism is realizing people for what they are, not for who they are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 10
$800,000 is the typical amount friends give each other, said the Senator. Where do you get a friend like that?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 8
If you like incomprehensible logic, you will love Ted Cruz.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 8
Maybe if we all just ignore the Senator saying incompressible things, he will finally go away.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 8
I was so certain Tsarnaev would be found innocent.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 8
Sad we have lost Stan Freberg. Laughter has died.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 8
James Best truly wore his name well; he was the best.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 7
There are too many people suffering from excessive breathing disorder.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 7
What is this about David Duke being the new national champion?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 7
Drat! I had every game correct in my brackets except for the last game.Didn't foresee that late call.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 6
Yes, you are correct. Your right to bigotry is under assault.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 3
I am amazed by the article explaining that the stuffed toy claw machines are rigged. I thought anyone over age six had figured that out.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 3
This is Distracted Driver Month so drive and hey I never noticed that Starbucks before
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 3
"I would marry you, but you're already married to my brother. Besides, you're still my sister."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 1
We shall miss that worldwide influence Cynthia Lennon.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 1
I wonder how many orders that pizza place that won't deliver to gays received from people using the most stereotypical gay voices,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 1
"May ye be in God's hands, so that He may deliver you in person to the devil."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Apr 1
The inventor of the Pet Rock has died. He will be buried in a cardboard carrying box.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 30
"Indiana wants me, Lord I can't go back there. Not until they change their repressive laws."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 30
Scott Walker says being a Boy Scout prepared him for being President. Dwight Eisenhower said the same thing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 30
So, scientists are developing responsive robots for sex. I would have loved to have been at that funding request meeting.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 29
"We are all one YouTube video away from losing our jobs."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 29
If the onion snow is the last snow of the season, we already have had five onion snows.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 28
I just want to note, for the record, that I do not expect peanut butter soda to sweep the nation.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 28
What is their Flipper sandwich? It is tuna fish made with non-dolphin
 free tuna.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 27
Whenever a fact is missing, there will always be a conspiracy theorist to fill in the gaps.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 27
One Direction is now known as Two Directions.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 26
It is not a smart thing to say that smart people will never agree with you, but I repeat myself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 26
Dear Ted Cruz: A "flat farther" is someone who rejects scientific evidence, not someone who accepts it. I know that was an honest mistake.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 26
I believe climate change is real. #IAmAFlatEarther
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 26
Police put woman in psych ward for saying Obama is her Twitter follower. Turns out Obama follows her on Twitter. Why won't Obama follow me?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 25
Those who work at something know better not to criticize others for they know what it takes to get something done.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 25
"Ten years ago today, I met the love of my life. And then I married her sister."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 25
#WhileLivesMatterUnlessYouAreShotByABeautifulBlondeCop
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 25
White blonde cop tasers white suspect, shoots him to death while on his stomach, charged with murder. Interesting public responses
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 24
The White House Flourist has been de-flowered.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
A piano keyboard that is round in shape has been invented. Next: drums in the shape of a piano.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
Meet me on the corner of Mad Men Avenue and Don Draper Way.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
"If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon Marin. Or like George Zimmerman Kind of depends who the mother is."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
"I know she will be the last person I see on Earth, before she puts her pillow over my face."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
The only thing stopping me from announcing I am running for President on Twitter is I can not figure out how to download a video to Twitter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 23
In an alternate universe, humanity has only a few decades left. No, wait, maybe it is this universe.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
"Oh, it is Amal Clooney. So there is no "n" is the first name…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
Bernie Sanders is wrong. Congress wil not become paid employees of billionaires. They already are.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
Ted Cruz is running for President of Canada?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
If you want to get cut from the team, try taking steroids and tweeting offensive things about teen age sport stars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
"I found that getting high solves all my problems" as he drove the airport with drugs in his pocket.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
"The benefit to being alone is you will not kill yourself because you know no one will care if you do, so you do not."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 22
If I knew then what I knew now, I would be dead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 20
I can not believe every team so far in my March Madness bracket has won. And I do not even follow basketball.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 20
If Kurt Cobain had read blog comments about his music, he would have killed himself.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 20
Brazilian basketball play Gary Fuck is upset Canadian press will not use his real last name. What the gary is the matter with the press?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 19
I am often dissuaded by reality.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 18
Pop tarts in a donut? What are they going to stuff them with next, bacon? No, wait, someone will do that...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 18
"A one hour date with me always results in her returning to her ex-boyfriend."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
"That is not green beer, it is a yellow dress."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
"The green in the beer takes out all the alcohol, right?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
People were shocked to see a crocodile eat a person. You were expected them to be bored?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
But if he resigns, what happens to his Downton Abbey office?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
"In the last episode of this reality show, you are admit you killed several people. And, rolling."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
"Honest, this used car was only driven my a member of Congress seeking high mileage claims."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
This may be the first time a car was claimed to have been driven more than what the odometer stated.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
"Would you believe the odometer was broken? No? Sure? Positive?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 17
If I knew then what I know now, I would probably be dead by now.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 16
"No, 50 shades of grey is not the same as "bitch slap the ho".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 14
Point to ponder: If we decades ago had reached an agreement on paying for an oil pipeline, al Qaeda today might have been our ally
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 14
California has one year of water later. That is fine, Californians can just drink Perrier instead.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 14
Once again, my Gridiron ticket got lost in the mail. #Gridiron
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 14
Why is something called Kentucky Pete's from Silverton, Ohio?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
I gave up religion for Lent, which seems a bit contradictory.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
"Of course the Alamo has been mismanaged. There is not a single McDonald's on site."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
Penis transplants means it is now literally possible to lose your virginity about you die.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
The first penis transplant has occurred. If only there had been a donor card for Milton Berle.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
"I take this oath to serve anyone needing health, unless they are homosexual." How does the EMT tell?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 13
Michigan House passes bill allowing EMTs to serve to serve a gay patient. "Sorry, this is our heterosexuals only ambulance, please wait."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 12
"I know, let us trade for a worse quarterback that will cost us more money."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 9
With daylight savings, me mind is now an hour ahead of the rest of me.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 9
I am learning about the pompotous of love.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 8
News from the Philadelphia Inquirer: Signs your first date is going wrong if your date steals your car.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 8
Scientists determine your date looks best after one drink. Two drinks and the blurred double vision ruins the sight,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 8
We honor Blacks during the shortest month of the year and we honor women on the shortest day of the year. #HappyWomensDay
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 6
So people can "favorite" your tweet and then un-favor it. As Larry David would ask, why would anyone do that? What is the point? "
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 6
I am surprised the NRA does not advocate the right of prisoners and inmates to buy and wear concealed guns.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 6
Farewell, Lynn Borden. Your talent lives on. The frogs will never forget you. It was a pleasure knowing you. Thank you for great works.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 6
The articles of Joe Sestak wearing Reeboks from 1980s is historic: One of the few times the press has focused on what a male candidate wears
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 6
"Harrison, if anything happens, it is OK if I ask your wife out? What? Too soon?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 5
Sorry, Avery Fisher, no one remembers you. And now no one will ever know who you were.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
If you buy Broadway tickets to "Cats" from a scalper, DON'T.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 4
I bought the Brooklyn Bridge and now I am angry. I did not realize it was used.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
Who are the idiots who keep robbing the Dollar Store?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
Spoiler alert that has not even been done yet: The Dowager Countess of Grantham will die next season. Or not. Just guessing.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
A mystery woman is buried near Richard III. Maybe it is Amelia Earhart?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
My favorite warning of the day: "Watch out for stoned rabbits who ate marijuana plants". They will steal all your potato chips.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
I use Oxford commas, and Cambridge exclamation points, and even London School of Economics quotation marks.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Mar 2
My condolences to friends and family of Paul McCartney, whose death has once again erroneously been reported on social media.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
If you are purchasing snow to be sent to you, you need to reevaluate your life priorities.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
"'They will never take me alive', said the man who was handcuffed without resistance"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
"Yeah, load all 15 tons into one truck. That will not be a problem."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
No, GOP members of Congress, you have nothing to fear politically about defunding Homeland Security. Who even knows what that is?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
I want a Pirates hat just like the one Jihadi John wears.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
Live long. Check. Prosper. Check. All checked and ready for the next frontier.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 28
Leonard Nimoy is dead? That is not logical.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
Weird email: How can I have "matches" on some site I never joined? I do no Internet date. The Internet and I keep apart from each other.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
Sex between politicians and lobbyists is now legal in North Carolina. So, if you announce you are running for office and you hire a lobbyist
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
"I take personal charge of this investigation and I will not rest until we find a fall guy."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
It would be nice if we could be as color blind to people's skin colors as we can be towards a dress.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
"What do you mean blue or gold? That dress looks red and purple to me, dude.:
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 27
Sorry to see Leonary Nimoy who was helpful in my blog pass away. A legend is gone.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 26
Sniffing rosemary does improve memory. I sniffed rosemary and she slapped me. I learned never to sniff her again,
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 26
I miss the good old days when I flew in military helicopters with Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 25
Jamie Dornan's wife is upset with his latest role? Did she not read or hear anything about the massive publicity about the role beforehand?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 24
OK, so then, Penn State will NOT be offering an honorary degree this year to Keith Olbermann. #keitholbermann
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 24
If you swallow a camera with baking soda, you can cure cancer and prevent an abortion.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 24
A GOP legislator states cancer can be washed away with baking soda. Just when I thought I had heard the most idiotic legislative comment…...
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 24
Legislator wants to reduce abortions by having women swallow cameras. The ability to swallow a camera is probably whet led to her pregnancy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
My condolences to friends and family of Leonard Nimoy whose death has been incorrectly reported on social media. #RIPLeonaryNimoy
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
"Oh, you went equality between men and women. I thought you wanted al women to be equal…"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 23
Who let Sean Penn into this country?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 22
Overheard at the Oscar's gift room: "Anyone want to trade a watch for this laser vibrator?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 22
God loves me over other nominees. #SixWordAcceptanceSpeech
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 21
Your momma is so big she is why quantum physics equations are at odds.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
"No, Rabbi, it is not part of the ritual bath to videotape the women while they are naked. Why do you ask?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
Eddie Murphy refused to make fun of Bill Cosby. To be fair, it really no longer is a laughing matter.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 19
I like lent. I get to eat whatever it is the Catholics give up.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
Pat Robertson states demons can curse your unborn child using Facebook. I am sure glad this is Twitter. #Twitter #PatRobertson #Facebook
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
Downside to being in the Cosa Nostra: no health care. And going to jail. And getting shot. Which returns back to the lack of health care.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
Is it good parenting when you engage in road rage to go home and go your gun and your child to help track down who you are mad at?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
There is a bra gun holster? Hello, are you glad to see me or is that a gun in your bra?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
The Big Small Penis group has formed in England to celebrate small penises. At last, something Britain can take with national pride.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 18
Twitter is like sending a message in a bottle. Eventually someone finds it and then hits you with the bottle.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
A rose by any other name could turn out to be Gertrude.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
"To Kill a Mockingbird" is being retitled "To Fleece the Audience".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
Wait, the movie and book (which I have not seen nor read) is about a non-consensual relationship? Sorry, that is just wrong.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
Anyone with stale fashnachts tomorrow?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 17
If you think sex is like falling off a bicycle, you have a very unique fetish.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
Are "50 Shades of Grey" and "50 Ways to Leave Your Love" all the same?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 16
I tell Starbucks my name is Liam so they will write my name on my coffee cup correct as"Leon".
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
Breaking news: The Oscar Wienermobile has crashed. It has been castrated.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
It is good to know the internet security stopped the criminals before they had only gotten away with one billion dollars.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 15
Readers Digest has an abbreviated copy titled "25 Shades of Grey."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
Well of course Madonna would be bored by "50 Shades of Grey". Why is anyone surprised by this?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
Brian Williams is my wing man. #WhyImSingle
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 14
I only know 49 shades of grey. #whyiamsingle
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Brian Wiliams remembers when he and John Seigenthaler assassinated John Kennedy.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
How can #BritishSexPositions be trending? Are lots of people commenting on all three positions?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Separate beds. #BritishSexPositions
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Those who go see "Fifty Shades of Grey" deserve to be spanked.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
In an effort to boost its integrity, NBC News has appointed, as the new anchor, John Kitzhaber.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Brain Williams will spend the next six month as the new Oregon Governor.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Brian Williams will spend the next six months coaching the Jackie Robinson West Little League team.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
The U.S. is about to get its first openly bisexual Governor. There will be a First Lady and a First Husband.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
Glad to have known Gary Owens. A true legend and great wit. Beautiful downtown Burbank will never be the same.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 13
I see Lester Holt has been anchoring the NBC News. Anyone know what happened to Brian Williams?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
I sit in "50 Shades of Grey" theaters and whisper to people around me "are you also handcuffed to your seats and forced to watch this?"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
How come Kanye West never runs up and defends what he sees as slights towards @KimKardashian?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
So women are watching a movie together and discussing their desires, but do not want men to know about this…Maybe this should be rethought.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
I remember when Lester Holt and I were shot at while in a helicopter together. I wonder if he remembers.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
Genius is 60 per cent intellect, 50 per cent effort, and 30 per cent realizing the universe does not calculate as expected.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
50 Shades of Grey? But I know of at least 60 shades….
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 12
I am taking Kanye West's advice and suggesting that Beyonce be the new "Daily Show" host. #KanyeWest #Beyonce #DailyShow #DailyShowHost
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 11
Jon Stewart wants out. He announced he shared that helicopter ride with Brian Williams. That should let him out of his gig.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 10
Brian Williams wants it to be a false memory that time he was suspended for six months.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 10
I can believe grey matter has entered our solar system. I see it while viewing Fox News.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 10
Who comes up these theories? The Big Bang never happened? My theory: the Universe started with a Big Fart.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 9
Every time I publish a new column, Kanye West questions why Beyonce did not get to write it.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 8
I am so ugly, I went to Siggy's and they told me I could eat for free. @lenadunham
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 8
If you fund al Qaeda and you are co-owner of a news network that blames 9-11 on the wrong culprit, is that a conflict of interest? #FoxNews
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
"Bruce Jenner, the bad news is the car crash did major internal damage. The good news is, we can cancel that scheduled operation."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I still believe Kirk, Spock, and Bones murdered about 40 crew members and then reported their deaths were by previously unknown species.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
Texas Chainsaw Tickling #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly starring Brian Williams #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
Seven Brides for Three Brothers #MakeAFilmUncomfortable
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I believe Brian Williams on Katrina. I have seen dead bodies float past my New Orleans hotel even when there was no flood.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
As we are at an era where income the disparity resembles those of the days of kings and serfs, we at least are reconciled we have Facebook.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
For whatever it means, I have now seen two different Black street musicians with signs claiming to be a cousin of #PaulMcCartney.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
"I know you finally met a guy who wants you for your brains and not your body, but he is a zombie."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 7
I shared the lucky penny on Facebook and it worked. A week later I found a penny on a sidewalk.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 6
Re: Facebook transparent pop-up ads. Why your Great Aunt Millie read a recipe on Facebook that added Amazon books to the broth.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 6
Re: The transparent Facebook pop-up ads. They are a nuisance. They could be the beginning of the end of an over-commercialized Facebook.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 6
I apologize to sufferers of psychological memory damage from traumatic events for Brian Williams jokes. Of course, I do not recall the jokes
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 6
It is proposed in Texas to limit a woman to owning 6 dildos. Because there is no greater threat to our security than a woman with 7 dildos.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 6
Will someone just fire a missile at Brian Williams and save his career?
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
On the East Coast, a red sky means it is going to snow. Then again, the lack of a red sky means it is going to snow.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
The Pentagon claims Putin has Asberger's. #bazinga
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"I was on the NBC Nightly News." Oh, wait, it may have been a local station.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"I once met Larry King and I survived to live another day." Oh, wait, that really happened.
10:00 PM - 5 Feb 2015 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"I once survived a direct tornado hit." Oh, wait, that really did happen.
10:00 PM - 5 Feb 2015 · Details
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"I once had a bullet hit my train window." Oh, wait, that really did happen.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"Dad, I will believe you were shut down in a helicopter if you will believe I do not take my clothes off in #GirlsHBO."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
"Why, yes, I do remember that time my helicopter was not hit by enemy fire."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 5
I have never seen an honest obituary: "John Doent, Drank and Watched TV Most of His Life"
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
Catch and release: What a cougar must do when she finds out he is under 18.
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
"I knew Kanye West back when he did not care for big butts."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 3
"My show jumped the shark. In that, when I jumped, the shark ate my character."
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 Leon Tchaikovsky ‏@SexiestLyingWit  Feb 2
Why do gays get the whole rainbow of colors but the BDSM community only gets the color grey?
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